lost

I'm feeling all lost and stuff right now...and I want to go make my delicious chili...BUT I don't have anything to store it in and I'm definitely not hungry, so...I'm not cooking. I'm typing instead.

I freaking love the Duggers. I really want to be offended by the lack of formal education and the vehement biblical observation...but I'm just not. They inspire me to live a simpler life, which is sort of odd as a 20 person family lives anything but a simple life...but its there if you look for it. Its amazing...and for me freeing.

ugh, powerful things...

So I just watched the video for November Rain again, cause it was in an earlier post...and yeah. It still remains as a powerful thing for me. Before its always been Slash's solos, but this time it was more just the movement of the song. Like just it takes you (if you let it) to a different place emotionally...not necessarily a happy one, but a beautiful one that deserves as much respect as any other.

At this point in my life, I don't know who will plan my funeral, but I want this song played at some point, either during the funeral, burial, or wake. Probably at my wake. I'm traditional enough that GNR at my funeral or burial seems weird. But yeah, listen and enjoy...its like a book or a movie...and emotional vacation (in that it produces different ones than you're already feeling). Nothing intrinsically good or bad...just feeling. Whoever chooses the music...keep that in mind...that's what I love about music (and art in all forms).

On a happier note (though with just having celebrated dia de los muertos, its really not a particularly unhappy thought) I am thrilled to pieces with the weather we are having. It makes me think about and really appreciate the fact that I can take lovely moonlit walks in the crisp fall air and just be. Its a beautiful thing when you struggle as I do. Peace and contentment are something that must be treasured. And clear crisp fall nights are something that I have to take advantage of!

Just checking out the mobile option to see if/how it works. Hooray.

Adventures in cooking

So, I'm trying to find things I enjoy and am good at, within the sphere of me having no life. So, um, essentially, I'm trying to become a respectable homemaker...because I can't find a job and spending 8 hours a day in AA would kill me faster than an 8 hr all you can drink booze fest. So, I'm taking a page from the writers of House, MD and I'm learning to cook.

I've always had men who can cook in my life. Whether dating, just sleeping with, or even just drinking buddies with...men who cook brilliantly have always been around and willing to cook for me. I've always just allowed myself to bask in the gloriousness of their skills, but I believe it is time (and as I live in the South there has been a bit of shaming me into it) I learn to cook.

My first "experiment" on the scheme of things, was nothing. An idiot can whip up some jiffy cornbread batter and put some jalapenos (I swear I'll find the n with a tilde or whatever its called later...I love those spicy green things so I'll use it a lot.) Regardless...in my attempt to mashup stuff in my pantry that is close to expiration I found some jiffy corn muffin mix and canned jalapenos. I gave it a shot e voila!

Magnificent jalapeno corn muffins. And they were delicious. So, now that I'm trying to cook amazing stuff that deserves eating (and trying to have a healthy attitude about eating period)...that's what's this is about. My attempts at cooking food that DESERVES to be eaten and savored and my attempts at adopting those attitudes towards the foods I eat.

good song

I freaking love this video. Hooray for music!

I had forgotten how disturbingly funny I find The Onion. Its just the perfect amount of ridiculousness for me. I have to go to target at some point later on and I really do not want to. Apparently my antipathy for shopping during the holidays has lasted a little longer than usual. This is I'm sure made worse by the fact that I feel crappy. Stuff is starting to bloom here, since the weather has been all wonky, and my allergies are out of control. I've barely had my contacts in and already my eyeballs are itching. I'm about to start reading a book, although I imagine I won't finish it right away. Its hardly heavy reading, but I don't know if I can take it in one sitting. Or maybe I can, I don't know. We'll see. I'm not going to mention the title of the book until I've read a little more. I have this thought that some parts of the book will mimic my own life thus far, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm passively watching last week's ugly betty and writing this with a distracted mind because I've gotten sucked in to this book. So I guess perhaps I should get off of the computer and just read the thing.